How to Be the Parent They Need Most

There’s a unique kind of heartbreak that comes from sitting in the stands, watching your child give their best—only to come up short. Again. And again. Whether it’s soccer, baseball, volleyball, or basketball, being the parent of a child on a losing team is… hard.

It’s hard to watch them walk off the field with slumped shoulders.
It’s hard to drive home knowing they’re dreading the next practice.
It’s hard to show up for the next game when the outcome already feels written.

But it’s also a sacred space—an opportunity to teach our kids what winning really means.

---

Let Them Feel It (Don’t Rush to “Fix” It)

When our kids are hurting, we naturally want to make it better. But sports aren’t about always feeling better. They’re about getting better—and sometimes that starts with sitting in the hard stuff. Disappointment. Frustration. Embarrassment. Even anger.

Let them cry. Let them vent. Let them say “this stinks.”
Because it does. Being a Parent we know that.

Then, when the dust settles, remind them: “You’re allowed to be upset. You’re also allowed to grow from this.”

---

Redefine Winning

We all say “it’s not about winning,” but let’s be honest—when your kid hasn’t seen a win all season, it sure feels like it is.

So we have to actively shift the narrative. Point out the micro-wins:

• “You played the entire second half without giving up.”
• “I saw you high-five your teammate when she missed the goal—that’s leadership.”
• “You improved your serve! That didn’t go unnoticed.”

Helping kids see progress—especially when the scoreboard says otherwise—teaches them to track growth, not just glory.

---

Stay Steady When They Want to Quit

Every parent has faced this conversation: “Why do I even go? We always lose. I just want to quit.”

This is the moment where your support matters most. It’s tempting to say, “Okay, maybe this sport just isn’t your thing.” But if they made a commitment to a team, a season, or a goal, finishing matters.

Not because we’re trying to be “tough love” parents. But because grit is grown in the gap between starting and quitting.

So instead, say something like:

“I hear you. It’s really hard right now. But you made a commitment, and that means something. Let’s finish strong—even if it doesn’t feel good yet. I’ll be with you every step.”

---

Take the Focus Off Performance

So much of kids’ identity can get tied up in how they perform—especially in sports. We have to be careful not to reinforce that by only praising them when they “do well.”

Instead, anchor your praise in who they are:

• Brave
• Determined
• Compassionate
• Honest
• Teachable
• Loyal
• Funny
• Resilient

Those traits matter more than a win-loss record—and they’re the ones they’ll carry into every arena of life.

---

Model the Bigger Picture

One thing that helps is reminding ourselves (and them) why they started playing in the first place:

• To make friends
• To stay active
• To learn something new
• To have fun (even if it doesn’t feel like it right now)
• To grow

Talk about people they admire—not because they always won, but because they stuck with it, even when they didn’t. Help them see how loss builds empathy. How hard seasons make you appreciate the good ones. And how every athlete—even the greats—has had a losing season.

---

You Show Up, No Matter What

At the end of the day, your kid doesn’t need you to be the loudest fan or the toughest critic. They just need you.

To show up.
To cheer the little things.
To ride home in silence when they don’t want to talk.
To remind them that who they are matters more than what happened in the game.

---

Because when they look back, they might not remember the score… but they will remember who was in the stands.

And you? You’ll remember that this season of losses built something unshakable in your child—and in you.

Losing isn’t the end—it’s the classroom.
And your child? They’re learning something bigger than how to score a point. They’re learning how to rise again, how to keep showing up, and how to define success on their own terms.

That might not show up on the scoreboard, but it will show up in who they become.