by: Katheryn Kriek
Marriage is hard in ways I didn’t expect. Not because I don’t love my husband I do but because loving someone doesn’t automatically mean you see the world the same way. I am someone who is always trying to do what I think is right. I care deeply about truth, consistency, and integrity, especially when it comes to our kids. When those things don’t line up in my marriage, it creates a tension I don’t know how to ignore. Becoming One also helps yo make your home a safe environment. So how do I become one.
I want to support my husband. I really do. But sometimes he says things that don’t feel true, or makes choices that are okay for him but not for the kids, and my brain just cannot make that make sense. I’m left holding this constant question: How do I stand by someone I love without betraying what I believe is right?
Figuring out how to Become One
For a long time, I thought unity meant one of us had to change to match the other. Either I needed to soften, stay quiet, or let things go, or he needed to change so things finally made sense. Neither option felt honest. And neither brought peace. Instead, I felt stuck, frustrated, and spiritually worn down.
Today, though, I came across a few quotes that stopped me in my tracks. They didn’t fix my marriage. They didn’t magically resolve the tension. But they gave me clarity—and honestly, relief.
Elder D. Todd Christofferson said:
“We are too diverse and at times too discordant to be able to come together as one on any other basis or under any other name. Only in Jesus Christ can we truly become one.”
That felt painfully accurate. We are different. And expecting us to become one by logic, compromise, or sheer effort was never going to work.
He also taught that being “of one heart and one mind” requires a mighty change of heart. And then came the line that finally made it click for me:
“That doesn’t mean changing my heart to align with yours. Nor does it mean changing your heart to align with mine. It means that we all change our hearts to align with the Savior.”
That matters. Because it means I’m not required to bend my conscience to keep the peace. And it means I’m not responsible for changing someone else’s heart either. Unity isn’t about winning, convincing, or pretending things don’t matter. It’s about both of us—separately—turning toward Christ and letting Him do the work neither of us can do alone.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said:
“Remember: with the Lord’s help, nothing is impossible.”
I’m holding onto that. Because some days, this feels impossible.
The scriptures teach that Christ is full of grace and truth. Marriage requires both. Grace without truth leads to confusion. Truth without grace leads to division. But when both spouses strive—imperfectly, patiently—to draw closer to the Savior, unity becomes possible.
Becoming one in marriage is not about being the same. It is about walking the same direction. And that direction, I am learning, must always be toward Him.
